GSBS Rural Edition: Candidates of the Corn (and other locally grown vegetables).

As election day approaches, many of those signs you spent so many hours to put up are literally disappearing, just when you need them most. That name ID you had hoped they would increase is literally and figuratively blending into, and being swallowed up by, the landscape.

If Stephen King wrote an election year sequel to his Children of the Corn series it likely would have involved arrogant pols who placed their signs on unsuspecting farms only to see them disappear with the rise of the corn. Campaign workers who went in search of the lost signs would themselves be lost.

In the final weeks of the campaign, as desperation begins to set in and candidates litter the public spaces with their bandit signs, the corn sprouts up and swallows them both whole. The only evidence is the bagless wire frames dotting the median strip. To the cheers of sadistic viewers and taxpayers, the farmer’s crazy-eyed, overall wearing children feed the pol-enriched corn to their hogs. In an ironic twist, those who once voted for pork, would become pork.

In politics, there is no such thing as bad press…unless it’s your obituary. Don’t be a Candidate of the Corn.